We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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