last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
