Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
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Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð