Apparently you make a good broom.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK