Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hippo gnu deer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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