i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
