Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
