who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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