Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
