just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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