he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
