Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
