Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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