Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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