He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My penis needs a shock collar
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
