nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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