The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
