pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
