I'm so fucking centered right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
