You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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