the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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