apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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