Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
