i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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