Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
