It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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