god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
