the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
