hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
