Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
