the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
