also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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