i permit you to call me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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