what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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