We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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