she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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