Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
