the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize