Are we in a gay sports bar?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
