Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
is it fun? or sober?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
