What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
