Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
