i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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