I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
