Swine flu. Run for my life!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
