fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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