TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
it glows. i had to have it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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