i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
