I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
