I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
