Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
