just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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