so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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