ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
