sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
