and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
