Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
