My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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