when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
