you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
