I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize