I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
even my farts smell like vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
