Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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