standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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