WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
