quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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