u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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