That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
