you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We got so high we made milksteak
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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