Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
