God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize