she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I AM VODKA MAN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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