chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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