I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
