Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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