You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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