my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
