when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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