i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
