You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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